V/H/S 2 (2013) Film Review

V/H/S 2 (2013)

 

Plot:   Tape 49 – A pair of dodgy private eye’s break into a rundown house searching for a missing student only to find TVs playing static & a shit load of VHS tapes stacked everywhere it looks like about half my porn collection from the 90s. 
The P.I’s think there be clues and while Mr P.I goes off in the dark to search for errr someone to kill him I think, Mrs P.I scopes out some old school video entertainment.



Phase I Clinical Trials – Bloke gets free bionic eye if he agrees to the data being recorded & uploaded.  His concern is scientists watching him taking a dump.  Turns out that’s not his only problem the eye is tuned into the frequency of the dead & these angry sprits also want to watch him take a dump.    


A Ride in the Park – Bloke takes time out from a sickeningly romantic relationship to run a mountain bike trail through the woods, hitting a zombie outbreak & finally making his way through the trials & tribulations of zombification.   

Alright I'll go & do all the work you just watch TV, Lazy bitch

Safe Haven – Under cover jurno’s convince a local cult leader to allow them access to film inside his facility.  Hoping to uncover proof of child abuse & brain washing they find a whole shitload more within this demon worshiping badass cult that’s only slightly less creepy than Scientology.  

Slumber Party Alien Abduction – Irritating kids attempt jackass style pranks on their older sister and her boy/friends while their parents are away.  Luckily a passing group of, I can only assume, intergalactic babysitters turn up to put an end to the tomfoolery before someone gets hurt. 


 Is it good:  Yes, I enjoyed the set up of the original V/H/S stumbling on seemingly supernatural snuff & found footage tapes.  

Horror shorts can sometimes bring fresh ideas that maybe wouldn’t get the funding for a major feature and the horror genre is perfect for this format.

Barry Chuckle gets Pink eye

There is a lot to be said for shorter more impact driven horrors, straight in, shit you up, leave you wanting more. 



Found footage films are great but they do suffer with the - why the hell are they still filming syndrome.  Ridiculous excuses like in Evidence (2011) “I’m making a documentary about my mates first camping trip” & even when he snuffs it “carry on filming we must document everything” & Chronicle (2012) Stop filming ballbag (I’m not filming but I’ve met a girl that also films everything).  

  In the case of Area 407 (2012) just throw the camera at the dinosaur it may buy you an extra 30 seconds of life.  

When you don’t have to question the documentation, like with Paranormal activity (2007), Apartment 143 (2011) & Ghostencounters (2011), it adds some credibility to the film.  In those films the people are there to film everything and actively search for what they are filming even if it terrifies them.  

Kinky nightmare fantasy

This collection works that premise by having some inventive ways to keep filming without you questioning “why would they”.  Phase 1 has a recording eye, A Ride in the Park has a fixed head cam to film the bike ride, Safe Haven, reporters trying to uncover a story, even S.P.A.A has the dog cam.

It does open up the question what is obviously digital filmed technology doing on VHS tapes but it seems the old magnetic tape (like in The Ring (2002)) has a supernatural power

These aren’t debut film makers so we shouldn’t ignore the bad either.

 

Tape 49  
Good: The segway piece is slightly creepy and a bit more fleshed out than the original stating the videos have a power or an infection when viewed.  Nice ending a  bit of gore  & a kind of comedy feel that finishes it off quite nicely.

Turdige: A bit of the annoying let’s at every opportunity split up in this creepy dark house that may not be empty as it has TVs still switched on.

Overall: 5/10

Phase I Clinical Trials 
The Good: A new take on the White Noise (2005) kind of premise, initially did creep me out.  The claustrophobic limited location & the scare techniques used if you follow the horror movie watching Rules it would fuck anyone up.

Tom Cruise goes back on Oprah 

Turdige: Being schizo I have to say it lost that initial scare factor because it relied on the old loud noises & bloke standing in the corner fear factor throughout this is killer at first but wears off quickly if used repeatedly.  They needed to build up to something else & the pool bit was lame.  Plus it would have been good to flesh it out with the scientists actually doing it to film the dead but its only 20+ mins long 

Overall:  Initially very effective but when it built up to an end the impact lessened.  Saying that the very end isn’t bad. 7/10

A Ride in the Park –
The Good: Nice to see a short intro & straight into the biting, pretty much an extended one off scene from a zombie flick (barbeque attack it could be called) loved the little novice zombie touched like trying his own flesh & most of all it was fun (well fun in a morally incredibly depressing way, just the way I like it) 

Turdige: It bugs me when you read reviews of zombie prospective movies you hear its unique, so inventive, please watch some fucking movies.  Colin (2008) – (can’t blame you for not seeing a £40 youtube movie) but Wasting Away (2007) I, Zombie: (1998) The Return of the Living Dead films from the 80s especially Melinda Clarke's tit-tastic performance in part III, maybe more I haven’t seen before.  It’s been done before I can assure you.  To be fair that’s not an argument against this film theres not much wrong with it, some lacklustre zombie fighting that’s all.

Overall: 7/10 Nice effects & a pretty good ending but just an interlude to the awesomeness of....

Safe Haven –

My Ex scrubs up well

The Good: I loved this mini film it is a cut above everything here & pretty much every horror I’ve seen this year.  A brilliantly shot, mini masterpiece, that paces itself brilliantly from the investigative reporters slow steady build up to the introduction of the creepy brainwashed cult members and the unstable psychotic leader.  Even the little touches like a girl almost dropping the leader in it but being shut up make it feel just like a genuine documentary piece.  Until it suddenly goes tits up mental

Then knocking it up a notch and some with brtutal gore that was at times awesome.  It was only after watching I found out it was made by the director of The Raid (2011) Gareth Evans, it’s obviously not to that level but his quality shows the guy knows how to make an impact.  At times I felt like I was drawn into a 1^st person shooter but not in a terrible Doom (2005) way.

Turdige: Only the Billy goat gruff was a bit on the Buffy side of cheesy. 

Overall: I’ve sucked up to this film enough.  It was alright. 10/10

Slumber Party Alien Abduction –
The Good: Great title. For what it is, the acting is spot on the kids do a great job in what’s a pretty poor final tape it creates a good set up and the sudden change to the which involves very loud noises which as usual are initially very creepy.    

I am cornholio i need T.P. for my bumhole

Turdige: It’s more like a home invasion movie than an alien abduction far too noisy.  There’s no beaming people up just chasing with wavy, skinny arms.  It doesn’t make much sense, especially why they end up in the water???  

Overall: Noisy but eventful, some will like but to me a letdown after the last vid.  6/10


Over-Overall:   That’s a long review hope you didn’t get bored (who am I kidding no one is reading this shit).  Ignore the above, let’s go with ITS GREAT WATCH IT if not just Fast Forward to Safe Haven.

Directors: Simon Barrett, Adam Wingard, Eduardo Sanchez, Gregg Hale, Timo Tjahjanto, Gareth Huw Evans and Jason Eisene Some Cast: Kelsy Abbott ,Hannah Al Rashid, Fachry Albar, Oka Antara, L.C. Holt, Devon Brookshire,Kevin Hunt, Hannah Hughes, Mindy Robinson








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