10 Pint Movies

P2 (2007)

Plot: Angela (Rachel Nichols) is working late, it’s Christmas Eve, party to go to, her family is waiting; she just wants to get in the car and fuck off home.

Unfortunately her car is shagged. Friendly security guard Thomas (Wes Bentley) is on hand to try and help. Again unfortunately his idea of helping is chaining her to a table and making her have Christmas with him.

He’s fucking nuts, it must be boring being a lone security guard on Christmas night but really this is taking it too far he could well be up for a disciplinary in the new year.

Its Xmas smile, ungrateful bitch

Is it good: Yes, The writer / producer Alexander Aja’s involvement must have helped he has a knack for supplying stories with atmosphere and tension to movies you think will be pretty predictable slasher/splatter films. High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes both exceeded expectations (well mine). The same with P2 what could have been just a low budget stalker scream queen fest excelled in atmosphere had an energy that kept my interest till the end.

Plus Rachel Nichols has awesome tits and isn’t afraid to give a bit of killer cleavage for the audience. She wasn’t just a pair of tits with eyes though her acting was pretty spot on terrified but full of survival instinct not afraid to fight for her life.

Wes Bentley the creepy bag loving weirdo of American beauty is convincing as the psychotic stalking security guard. (Very creepy eyes)

Watch out you could have
someones eyes out with those tits

The dark parking barren garage was an effective setting, being in one on your own in the dark is not a nice feeling. It seems both, close to the outside world but at the same time a world away & in this film an inescapable prison.
Not a complete gore fest but the touches it had were excellent.

I love my wall

Turdige: A shorter faster film may have been better. Mobile phones in horror movies get on my tits film makers really need to look at how they actually work the old haven’t got a signal is just too weak hook these days it’s getting like “oh the car wont start”.

Overall: The cleavage stole the show it could have been a film about over cooked Yorkshire puddings & I wouldn’t have cared. But it wasn’t it was a great little psychological horror.

Director: Franck Khalfoun Cast: Wes Bentley, Rachel Nichols, Simon Reynolds, Philip Akin

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Would You Rather (2013)

Plot: Iris (Brittany Snow) is struggling, her brother is ill and well down the list for an essential bone marrow transplant, with no other family to rely on she can’t afford the bills for prescription drugs.

Basically things are shit and shit times call for desperate measures, visiting the doctor to get some better insurance terms there is a mystery guest Shepard Lambrick (Jeffrey Combs) with some seemingly good news.

He’s rich & he likes her cause offering the chance to not only clear the debts, get extra cash but have a donor ready by the end of the week. Obviously there’s a catch and she must attend a dinner party (sounds easy) & participate in a game (ahhh thinking to herself "I’m going to get bummed").

Stop laughing at my headband bitch

That afternoon she gets knocked back from a waitressing job due to lack of experience & things the potential bumming is worth the risk.

So the game: 8 strangers must play, would you rather? Seemingly a simple game of choice, but the Lambrick’s are a sick bunch of shits and as the games escalate it the realisation occurs that only the winner may have a chance to come out alive.

Is it good: Yes & No, the plus points are; it’s an effective low budget effort mostly set in one location. It’s all you need and feeds on the importance that this maybe the last room they ever see depending on the choices they make.

Yes this is the last fucking supper

The film plays on the morality of the participants. What will they do to win, some will be brave, some will give there lives, some will be nasty fucking selfish bitches.

Brittany is good as the pretty but down trodden girl trying to look after her brother but Jeffrey Combs wins the show hands down the Re-Animator himself who played one of my favorite characters Milton Dammers in The Frighteners (1996) plays it like a pantomime villain but the biggest surprise was professional cock Juggler (Sasha Grey) putting in a good performance as the nasty sexy bitch Amy. When shes not busy shoving huge things up her butt like in Anal Cavity Search 6 (2008) and the other 200+ skin flicks she’s done, she isn’t too bad.

Opps wrong movie

Turdige: It wasn’t as good as it could have been. Not every film has to have saw level of gore but this movie could have done with a touch more. It did have some brutal & squeamish moments but not enough was made of their Salvador Dali moment.

Money & desperation may be good motivators but the fight or flight instinct surely would have kicked in a bit sooner.

The start of the party - little tests, you would have to be a blind monkey on a stick not to see it would get worse, initial stabs at demeaning people for money "you're a veggie I'll give you $10,000 to get a steak"
your a recovering alchy heres £50,000 drink this shit load of whiskey. They would have been out the door before the torture arrived.

Crab man just looked bored to be there.

The very end was so obvious I figured it out in 1984

Overall: Arrr I may have to watch it again I was very tired and I think it affected my enjoyment. I should have loved it but it just didn’t quite hit the mark, way above average but not as great as I thought it would be I think it could have been bigger more brutal and either realistic or comedic without having to up the budget.