Saturday 24 November 2012

NAZI ZOMBIE MOVIES

Outpost (2008)

Plot: War Is Hell, I know this personally as I played a lot of operation Wolf in the 80s.
These guys know it too. A bunch of Mercs hired by a representative of a shady company to take him to a mystery place in some war torn Eastern European shit hole to get some stuff & run. The Mercs are a rag tag gang of tit wanks if ever there was. Dodgy accents are aplenty.

Turns out the mystery place is a Bunker (Well it would have been if that wasn't already a film so its an Outpost) like it says in the tile

Coming under fire straight away they have to hold up in the Bunk... sorry Outpost. Thats when shit starts to get errrm Unreal. Turns out its an Ex Nazi Bunk... damn it ....Outpost. Full of Nazi stuff

In a room full of piled up dead bodies they find the creepiest looking survivor who could be the death of them all.

Then it all goes tits up mental for an inevitable Allies Vs the undead Zombie Nazi SS ghost-fucks

Is it good: Too right it is. If I was you I'd stop reading this, just watch it & come back. As I may build it up too much. Watch it with no expectations, like I did, in fact I'll say its shit. Right are you back, did you like it - No, then fuck off & watch the time travelers wife.

Gritty, Low budget action horror with plenty of atmosphere. The underground scenes are creepy & claustrophobic, & story is basic but decent. The acting is good The punisher (Ray Stevenson) makes a believable group leader. His mercs play out well as mentally disturbed A Team, Irish bloke Who I've only ever seen in Spaced, as the E'd up Bike courier & then he turned up as a zombie version of the same characture in Shaun of the Dead for 2 minutes is pretty funny.

The Gore is spot on, a head being squashed was a highlight

Turdige: Not much it is slightly slow at times but it Does everything a Nazi science created undead super soldier zombie ghost army war action horror movie should do.

Overall: If you thought the only good Nazi was a dead Nazi you might change your mind. Quality low budget movie. Watch it

Steve Barker: Director - Cast: Ray Stevenson, Julian Wadham, Richard Brake, Paul Blair, Brett Fancy

Uk USA - Click to Buy/Rent

Outpost II (Black Sun) - 2012

Plot: Its all kicking off back at the Outpost the Nazi Zombie Ghost fucks are back & they're really annoyed for some reason.

Heir Klausener who built the Nazi Zombie creating machine is older than god but still knocking about & trying to start a 4th Reich. Job number one get his machine back. Turns out he funded the first mission which didnt go to well & as they are watching a live feed of another team going in & getting hacked up its not getting any better.

The Zombies it seems have upped the ante from the original film these are all out (Dawn of the dead remake) super fast zombies ripping their way through the surrounding villages. The machine is spreading the field they can run about in & it looks like Western Europe are not to happy about it probably thinking the zombies are immigrants coming over to steal their jobs.

Klausener is being chased by a Jewish Nazi hunting bird & the Welsh bloke from coupling with a dodgy American accent is after the machine. They team up as the ultimate (completely out of their depth duo). Sneaking into the unnamed Eastern European shit-hole they bump into some zombie ghosts, are saved by an English army squad & they all go off to the outpost for tea & scones.

Can the machine be stopped. Who wants it the most & who the fuck is the Blair Witch

Is it good: Yes. In Outpost the Zombies mostly hid in the shadows & the film played on the ghost/horror aspect. This film expands on the story filling in the gaps of the science with mythology & errr more science "the world is vibration, particles nothing more". The Zombie part is an old fashioned tear up with the soldiers having an EMP weapon that stops them phasing out as ghosts.

The acting is good its nice to see Richard Coyle in something again (nothing for years & in 2 weeks Ive seen him in this Grabbers & Pusher) but I don't understand why he needs the ropey American accent its not like its a film of a classic novel & they have to stay loyal to the text
Just make him English or Welsh he was good at that one.

The gritty cold setting is the same as the original its great to see this rather than the clean studio feel of american movies.
The Gore is still spot on blood everywhere, the Zombie make up is great & the limited FX were well used.

Turdige: Not much, it goes slightly off point at times spending too much time explaining the machine & trying to make a set up for a 3rd plus the witch was just daft

Overall: Not as good as the first but I did love Outpost, it had to take the story somewhere & it wasn't a bad place to go

Director: Steve Barker
Cast:Catherine Steadman, Richard Coyle, Daniel Caltagirone, Ali Craig, Nick Nevern

Blu-Ray USA - Click to Buy/Rent

War of the Dead (2011)

Sort of Plot: 1930s Deep in the Finnish woods along the Russian border, Nazi occult scientists had been performing "Anti Death" experiments on captured Russian soldiers. Little monkeys they do love a bit of human experimentation. Suddenly Hitler ordered it stopped & bunker abandoned (Its always an bloody bunker), records were burned & forgotten. In 1941 an Elite squad of Finish & US/UK squad are sent to uncover the bunker& for some reason are being filmed by Jim Carver from the Bill. This much is true the screen tells me.

It doesn't say the rest is bollocks maybe it should. The Allied troops wonder through the woods the main players seem to be Cpt Stone a spud faced hardcase GI. Captain Niemi Finnish leader with a "secret agenda" & Lieutenant Laaksothe eye candy for the ladies. Niemi steals a clockwork thingamajig from a random house owned by some German bloke & they are all set.

The squad Battle through the Russian Troops only to find them coming back from the dead "Facking fantastic" says Jim. Weirdly like zombie monkeys they leap from the trees & have taken up parkour (The zombie hobby of choice). Giving it legs they take up with a lone Russian survivor who takes them to their objective The bunker. Turns out the Nazi experiments had caused this, who would have figured. Pretty much all action from then on these zombies can fight & Stone kicks a ridiculous amount of arse. Some Nazi zombies turn up for an unknown reason & it goes mental.

Is it good: Yes switch of your brain which wasn't difficult for me I was drunk. Most of the dialogue is pants "what the hell does he know hes not even Finnish", but I only picked up on that the 2nd time I watched it & I watched it a second time because of the action.

Its pretty much non stop the added element of military battles in these films is great, this one especially. Ive seen reviews that compare it with "saving private Ryan" which is going a bit far but the feel is the same if not the content its very rough gritty & you feel in the action. Jouko Ahola who plays - Captain Niemi was apparently World's Strongest Man winner in 1999 & 1997 so he fits the part very well in a great hardcore final battle.

Great battle scenes along with a grimy, gloomy, gritty & other words beginning with G. Atmosphere (Like the outpost films) make the film. The Zombie effects make up & gore all hold up well.

Film AKA - Stones War

Turdige: The plot (Who cares its a Zombie movie) The dialogue (Ditto). The plot is disjointed why the German bloke is making the clockwork things inst really explained. The acting ranges from poor to ridiculous & then good at times. Stone is played by a Brit with a ropey US accent. All of this is relative though as its still 1000 times better than Nicolas Cages latest bag of bollocks "Stolen"

Overall: Definitely worth the time (I think Ive watched it 4 times already)

Director: Marko Mäkilaakso
Starring: Andrew Tiernan, Mikko Leppilampi, Samuel Vauramo

UK USA- Click to Buy/Rent

Outpost III: Rise of the Spetsnaz (2013)

Plot: Back in the past an elite squad of hard as fuck Russian soldiers are looking for the "Outpost". They don't know much about it, unlike anyone who has already watched the first 2 films, which they couldn't as there were no DVDs in the 1940s.

After a quick Nazi killing spree they're captured and taken to the outpost to have dirty things done to them (backdoor probing probably, those sneaky Nazis) in an effort to create super soldiers. Human experiments that have already created undead monsters.

Windowlicker

Is it good: Its ok Everybody loves a prequel it gets rid of those nasty annoying things, like surprises. Part III is by far the weakest in the series however it isn't bad it does have great action/fight scenes. In fact The Russian captain Dolokhov (Bryan Larkin) turns out to be a decent action hero. As the producers mentioned one part of the film is just cage fighting against zombies.

Strasser (Michael McKell) puts in a good performance as the sleazy SS officer

Some nice touches of humor and references (like the captain America ref)

The baby killer from Bavaria ---- great character.

Hulk Smash

Turdige: As an origin story its not great, there is a lot of talk from the Nazi SS officer but more explanation was made in Outpost II of what is actually happening, plus the move is further from the soldiers shifted out of the physical dimension of the first film to regular zombies action. The whole thing is basically a zombie escape film and the creepy atmosphere that made the first so good is lost.

There was a lot to work with but it was kind of ignored, like the Nazi soldiers contemplating that if it works on the Russians then they could be next, but nothing comes of it.

Overall: The early Nazi Zombie ghost things were rubbish. Not a bad action movie though. As they say "Lets go slaughter some fucking Nazis"

Director: Kieran Parker Cast:: Bryan Larkin, Iván Kamarás, Michael McKell, Velibor Topic, Ben Lambert

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Saturday 3 November 2012

Cockneys vs Zombies

Cockneys vs Zombies

Plot: Slow moving, stupid, unintelligible & violent the Cockney outbreak has been going on for centuries

luckily a tomb sealed in the 17th century is uncovered by a couple of building site workers ignoring the warnings & the fact that its somebodies final resting place the 2 evil doers break in to rob treasure.

The tomb contains the living dead who take on the Evil cockneys.
Across town other Evil Cockneys are attempting an armed robbery (because they need the money for their old grandad whose care home is to be shut down - that's alright then it fully justifies teaming up with a psycho & pointing loaded weapons at innocent people to steal money).

The robbery goes pear shaped & a zombie apocalypse is taking place how will these losers save grandad now?

Cockneys V's zombies whose side you on

Is it good: Yes. Zombie comedies get bad press, not sure why as there are some great ones out there. (See Zombie comedies) Maybe I'm biased as the first Zombie movie I ever saw was Return of the living Dead (1985) that movie was beyond awesome.

If you love cockneys your in for a treat this is in fact full of cockneyness. An old loud mouth geezer, Eastenders actors, red double decker, cockney rhyming bollocks & of course Dexter Fuckin Fletcher the only thing its missing is Danny Dyer. Even is you hate Cockney's & you think anyone who ends a sentence with "its because I'm a geeza" deserves to die, they do lots of them.

The film is weighted on the cockney side as the story is about the youngsters attempts to save Grandads home & the zombie outbreak just happens adding to the things in their way. So it does take a while for the zombies to turn up. When they do its worth the wait the gore level is pretty high.

The acting is spot on Andy, Terry & Katy (Treadaway, Hardiker & Ryan), bounce of each other well & While grandad (Alan Ford playing it like brick top) marshals the old guns well.

The comedy works Richard Briers outrunning a shuffling zombie in a zimmer frame and Mental Mickey (Ashley Thomas) mustache disguise had me laughing for ages for some reason. He is too much of a bad guy to survive but I was rooting for him. Plus Honor Blackman & her no longer glorious pussy with a semi automatic weapon you can't go wrong

Turdige: Distinct lack of nudity for a B-movie . Couple of ropy action scenes are badly cut but without the budget its to be expected. Plus the end was just a waste of ammo. Comm'n Ryan get em out they look awesome trapped but I'm sure Bionic woman would have got a 2nd series if we had just got a glimpse.

Overall: Off work ill, I watched CVZ, it cheered me up no end. It may have been helped by the mixture of legal drugs & super strength benylin but still I would recommend it big time. Remember if you get bitten by a Cockney you will turn into a Cockney .

Director:Matthias Hoene

Cast: Harry Treadaway, Rasmus Hardiker, Michelle Ryan, Alan Ford, Richard Briers

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Guns, Gangsters & Zombies

Plot: A loooooong van ride across a zombie hit England. The Gangsters don't seem particularly worried about family & friends as they run from a botched bank robbery with a gun shot victim among them, at the onset of a zombie apocalypse to a safehouse. The group don't find getting to the safe house easy as a few zombie related mishaps (Gun toting grandmas & the medieval undead) divert them & when things go wrong can the gangsters really trust each other.

Gangsters is a bit of a stretch with these plebs. Q (The driver) narrates us through an opening (Lock stock style) credits to a van ride into the apocalypse

Is it good - Difficult to say I messes up with this one by watching it straight after CVZ, although they are very similar there is a world of difference in the feel & the budget.

The acting is pretty mediocre but these are not established actors apart from Huggy Leaver (Tony - The boss) Whos been in a few things including Lock Stock so its unfair to compare. The obvious hero Q (Vincent Jerome) is probably the most natural & comes a cross well, Crazy Steve you take a instant dislike to (poor character & poor acting).

The other 2 Pat & muscles seem like afterthoughts in the background.
By the end of his run crazy Steve had won me over & the scene where they stop for diesel is one of the best in the movie.
I enjoyed the Gun toting grandma & the addition of Cassie does make you empathise with the group more. The fast moving, running zombies & the gore (I don't mind CGI blood splatters) are pretty decent considering the budget. The film leads to an entertaining ending.

Turdige: What seems like an endless boring van journey, its bad enough enduring one yourself but to watch somebody else doing it, its not right, to be fair this is inter-cut by radio announcements about the zombie outbreak & I'm sure it just seemed long & was actually only 10 mins. once again lack of nudity for a B-movie what are they playing at its an easy win.

Overall: Off work I watched this after CVZ, & it cheered me down. So watch this on its own or 1st in a double bill. Its a decent low budget zombie movie

US

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Devil's Playground

Plot: How to make a zombie movie more cockney than Cockney's Vs Zombies, stick Danny Dyer in it of course. This is no comedy though (at least not intentionally) In the near future Rak 295 a new performance enhancing drug comes on the market (For some reason this is allowed, I bet Lance Armstrong is gutted). The drug however his having some side effects it giving people migraines dizziness & oh turning them into psychotic undead killing machines who for some reason all take up parkour. There seems lot going on for your typical running from zombies movie

Av it

Is it good - Yes, I read some mixed reviews before watching. Most bad ones were concerned with it being a poor rip off of 28 Days later. Who really cares this would be Day 1 & day 1 kicks of big time its action packed, there is a shift which changes when they hit the garage slowing down focusing on paranoia & tension but soon gets back on the action trail with a great mash up of an ending.

Directed by Mark McQueen
Starring MyAnna Buring, Danny Dyer, Craig Fairbrass, Sean Pertwee

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Zombies

Zombies are probably the most disturbing creature in horror. It will (hopefully) be very difficult for anyone to make them SPARKLE.
From their humble African/Haitian roots of the stumbling voodoo controlled monster the Zombie has evolved over time (which some purists dont like) into a psychotic rampaging brain eating killing machine.

Zombies have always been the B Movie monster of choice, not too demanding for an actor to zombie up. They are now breaking into the big time with TVs Walking dead & into the A list with World War Z starring Brad Pitt

Zombies in Movies

Glastonbury on Monday morning

The Original Zombie legend comes from West Africa through Haiti via the Voodoo witch doctors that would resurrect corpses to control & do their bidding. These "living dead" in a documentary on REAL Zombies I watched (An hour I will never get back) would be slaves on farms & protect the land.

In the movies they had a sinister motive As in the original Zombie title White Zombie (1932) starring Horror legend Bela Lugosi.
These Zombies would no longer be a problem once the "master" was dealt with.
As the genre has developed these original controlled zombies have been largely left behind in favor of a more feral monster. As the Zombies were no longer controlled it opened the door for a Zombie Apocalypse. Which has gripped the genre ever since. The Godfather of these movies was of course George A. Romero starting with Night of the Living Dead (1968) he largely defined the Zombie for the next 40 years. These zombies were not controlled, they desperately wanted to eat you, they do not stop unless you shot them in the head, if bitten by a zombie you would become a zombie. They also moved slowly & were stupid working with just the primeval instinct to eat.

Romero Zombies were so good other zombie movie makers never seemed to brake these rules.

Zombies still wear hats

The Zombie comedy Return of the Living Dead (1985) ignored the Romero rules with more animated fast moving zombies but as it was a comedy it wasn't taken seriously & never expanded into the ordinary zombie movies being ignored for another 20 years.

Other movies appeared in which people were infected by viruses or changed by outside influences, demons, aliens or the military but they also did not seem to follow these rules, viruses could put people in a zombie like killing state but they had the functions of fully fit humans this hit the big time with Danny Boyles 28 Days Later (2002)

So the big change came when these were combined in Zack Snyders remake of Dawn of the Dead (2004)

This brought the zombie movie into the next millennium, the opening sequence alone is probably the best in Zombie history.
Now with a remake of Romeros own movie his rules were broken & pretty much anything goes.

The world has found anything can be improved if you stick zombies in it from Marvel to Nazis

The futures bright. The futures bloody

There are just too many Zombie Movies to put on one post

So here are some reviews